Languishing, Running, Podcasts, and The Rockies

I have spent nearly my whole life vacillating between “you are in control and things are good” to “you are not quite good enough.” I had gratitude I had for all the good in my life but felt resignation because I did not thing I deserved it. I wasn’t miserable or even sad but also didn’t feel worthy or valuable. I just felt “meh”. This was constant and it led me to a feeling of what I can only describe as being lost. I was in this personal purgatory that I didn’t know much about.

I have had some incredible life experiences and and accomplished things that I am incredibly proud of. I have also slowly tread through pain, heartache, and uncertainty. In this sense, I am not unlike most people. The feelings I had are not unique to me. I just struggled to pinpoint what exactly I was going through. I tried to find answers, thinking something would just land on my door step and everything would be ok. I started reading more about lifestyle and happiness and listening to podcasts and mindfulness and wellness. Then the pandemic hit, and it didn’t discriminate against any of us.

Now dealing with everything the pandemic threw at us and trying to find some normalcy, I leaned into running and podcasts. I found solace in the two. I felt like I was enriching my life by learning new things and staying fit. Nonetheless, the “lost” feeling persisted and I still was seeking a cure.

One afternoon, by happenstance, I decided to listen to The Happiness Lab podcast by Dr. Laurie Santos. The episode was titled “Fighting the Meg Feeling of Languishing”, and featured Adam Grant. I hadn’t heard of Adam Grant at the time, but he has since become a voice for thinking and re-thinking when I am feeling lost and need some direction. This episode of the Happiness Lab focused on an article that Adam Grant wrote about feeling “meh”. The New York Times published the article, There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing. I read the article when I got home from my run. I think this is what I had been waiting for to show up on my doorstep for years.

“It wasn’t depression — we didn’t feel hopeless…we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: You have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless. Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being.”

As I read, I thought, “damn, this is me!” Ok, great. So fix it. But how do I fix it? Easier said then done. Another passage from the article stuck out to me. Grant writes that the antidote to languishing involves

“carving out daily time to focus on a challenge that matters to you — an interesting project, a worthwhile goal, a meaningful conversation.”

I needed to find the interesting, worthwhile, and meaningful. So I packed up and went on a road trip to the Rockies. It was interesting, worthwhile, and meaningful and along the way I rediscovered a mantra I had loosely held on to through my more formative years – “success is the continual pursuit of worthwhile goals.”

And this was the beginning of this road trip I am now on. Finding value as we move through life through healthy habits, enjoyable environments, meaningful relationships, learning more, and helping others who may have be just a bit lost like I was.